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CHILD ABUSE

A screen door bangs. A boy in shorts and sneakers runs out with his baseball glove. His mother, dark glasses partially hiding a black right eye, cigarette in her mouth, hangs laundry on a line stretched between two poplars. He calls out, “Be back for lunch,” without looking at her. He knows his father has given her a black eye, tries not to look at her. He goes next door, collects two other boys. They take turns batting and fielding in an empty lot down the street. After lunch a few more boys join them for a choose-up game. Then the boy goes home. His father isn’t there. He won’t be home until after work. Six o’clock his mother gives the boy dinner. She still wears dark glasses, keeps her right side away from him.  They don’t speak. The boy doesn’t know what to say, neither does she. His father won’t be home for an hour. The boy knows his mother is hoping his presence will protect her. Seven o’clock the boy is watching TV. The father comes in. The boy says, “Hi.” The father goes into the kitchen where his mother gives him dinner without speaking. He points to the chair and tells her to sit down. She backs away. “Sit down,” he demands, stabbing the air above the chair with his finger, “you’re making me nervous standing over me like that.” She backs toward the door. “If you don’t sit down, I’ll give you something to be afraid of.” She runs into the bathroom and locks the door. The boy pretends not to hear her crying. He turns up the TV. He is only 10. His father curses, gets a hammer and screwdriver and takes the door off the hinges. His mother is cowering in the shower. His father grabs her wrist, pulls her out and smacks her across the face. The boy runs into his room and covers his ears trying not to hear her crying, her pleas, his father, “That’ll teach you never to ignore me.” The boy hears his father drag his mother into the kitchen and push her into the chair. The boy covers his head with a pillow. He is ashamed that he didn’t protect her. He imagines killing his father, taking his mother and running away, hiding and protecting her so that no one will ever find them. He carries that shame his whole life.